Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Breaking news: Republican Bob Turner wins Weiner's old seat. Hmmm.. I hope they steam cleaned it for him??

   Breaking News. Hurricane Katia sweeps across UK. Rain so bad that one person had to use an umbrella.

   Hurt them with the TRUTH, don't please them with a LIE.

   Maybe he is perfect for you BUT you are not perfect for him.

   The fact that women should be equal to men, doesn't mean that they have to make the same mistakes.

   That uneasy moment when DRAKE realised that both his eyebrows are "On One"

   iam pretty sure the whole 'ladies first' thing was created by a guy to check out some ass

   Stop doing permanent things for temporary people!

   Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is we'll find it

   I was nothing when I met you and I will be less than nothing without you. I know loving me is a hard job, but somebody has got to do it.

   I miss being able to hang up rotary phone on people!

   You call it lying, I call it protecting your feelings.

   People who bring up your past are threatened by your present and the undeniable fact that your future looks brighter than theirs.

   Headline: Justin Bieber Wears Women's Jeans. I beg to differ, that headline should have read: "Justin Bieber Wears Men's Shirts"

   I just read a story about how Justin Bierber likes to wear woman's jeans. I guess his package must be too small to need crotch room.

   The smoke smell you might have been smelling today was from Minnesota Viking fans burning their Brett Farve jerseys.

   I camped out for 3 days next to my computer to be first to get Missoni swag and then the site crashed when I clicked the buy button..

   at his mom's house and saw a can that said "mixed nuts". It was the family urn.

   ( . ,)-(__ --> __)===] So, I just planked on fb. Game over. I win. :)

   Its funny the way guys come out of the woodwork when a girl on Facebook turns "single". Commenting and liking everything.