Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Starbucks now sells coffee in a 32oz size, called a "trenta"... For those of you who feel like having diarrhea ALL day

   whenever I watch an old 60's or 70's movie I wonder how cool it wouldve been to live then, then I realized 90 percent of what I do would take an hour on a rotatory phone and sending 5 letters a day...go 2000's

   46% of violence on T.V. occurs in cartoons.

   Before you repent, make sure you have sinned

   You don't have to get well soon. Take your sweet time.

   “Sorry, I didn't mean to break your liver.” – someone who is not an expert at breaking hearts.

   Yeah, you look smart but I don't trust my eyesight much.

   Music caters to every type of moment, mood and moron.

   Zombway....Eat Flesh.

   I don't have haters..I have confuse admires.

   If your problem has a solution solve it. If it doesn't, why worry about it?

   Superman's disguise sucks when I took my glasses off the police still knew it was me.

   tired of all the vegetarians thinking they are better than everyone: my food EATS your food!!!

   Excuse me Sir, you can barely fit in your car yet here you are trying to fit in a pair of skinny jeans?

   Don't take a good woman for granite.... trade something else for her...Granites expensive!!!!!!

   You look so beautiful I forgot how bad your personality was.

   Kissing a girl on her forehead is care, on her cheek is respect, on her lips is love, but kissing her in front of her boyfriend is GUTS

   Can somebody please tell these politicians that say "government doesn't create jobs" that they work for the government.

   Wendy's idea of a medium could save an African village.

   Stephen Hawking has a motor neurone disease that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Thats not very smart, I wouldnt have done that!