Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My family was too poor to buy hooked on fonics.

   A Girl that knows she's beautiful never has to tell people about it.

   have you seen what facebook wants to do to the profiles now? zuckerberg needs a timeline of when he gave the ppl what they liked

   I miss me when I'm gone.

   So you saying I have a better chance in getting hit by a piece satellite then winning the lotto tomorrow!?!? WTF!!

   Make crime pay...become a lawyer.

   Since Facebook shows when you add new friends, it's only fair, and would be quite amusing, to show when you delete someone...and why.

   Stupidity is not an inherited trait, but for some it comes quite naturally.

   Please stop looking so attractive. I m trying to stop liking you.

   Never fear the unknown; embrace it! Never avoid challenges; welcome them! Never fear negativity; laugh at it! Never walk away from difficulties; confront them! True success can never be achieved without overcoming some sort of obstacles!

   If you update your status more than three times in any 24hour period you have too much time on your hands - and should probably get a job.

   The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.

   so..nasa says your not allowed to sell any part of the satellite on ebay thats hurtling towards earth at 5 miles per second. 5 miles per seocnd?..is their going to be anything left to sell then?

   Rabity Ear Antennae users and Direct TV customers will finally have clearer reception tomorrow as the Satlellite approaches closer- Sat they will be back to fuzzy logic!

   time to get the Atari out and take care of this falling satellite...

   this uhh jersey shore show that my kids watch... is it like a facebook in reality.. t.v show ? just doesnt make sense to me .

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   I like to go to the store, ask for help, get real close to the employee and whisper "Where is your lice medicine" just for the reaction

   dont laugh at ur friends if they start sounding like chicken little this next week..."the sky is falling"

   When women talk to each other, the devil sits in a corner, quietly listening and learning.