Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "Hi Welcome to Starbucks!" "Yeaaah, I'll have a Café- Mocha Vodka-Marjiuana Latte to go please." Um Sir we don't have that" Oh I'm sorry I meant a Pumkin Spice Latte"
←Rate | 09-24-2011 19:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You've been rejected more times than the Chinese guy that stands in the mall food court trying to hand out samples of bourbon chicken.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 15:55 by Beth Comments (0)  


   messageicon 69 - Some may call it nasty but I call it a romantic dinner for 2.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 14:38 by Gladys Kravitz Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that the odds of the satellite hitting a human is HIGHER than winning the lottery... So what are the odds of winning the lotto, then walking outside and being hit by the satellite?
←Rate | 09-24-2011 13:27 by Malichai Comments (0)  


   messageicon IF MYSPACE and FACEBOOK have taught me anything... It's that when I become rich and famous, dont let ANYONE touch whatever it was that brought me to that point.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 13:22 by Malichai Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want to post akward moment jokes and not have it redirect spell "akward wrong"
←Rate | 09-24-2011 12:59 by Tonez Comments (0)  


   messageicon the akward moment when you are at a funeral and your phone rings.. you ring tone is "I will survive".
←Rate | 09-24-2011 12:55 by Tonez Comments (0)  


   messageicon am I the only one when my mom enters the room while I am on the computer, switch to goole and just stare at it?
←Rate | 09-24-2011 12:53 by Tonez Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont care if it is 5 min. till the bell.... I am packing up now !!!!
←Rate | 09-24-2011 12:52 by Tonez Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sad moment when you are playing hide and go seek.. you have the best hiding spot... you have to go pee
←Rate | 09-24-2011 12:50 by Tonez Comments (0)  


   messageicon think of a number, double it, add six, half it, take away the number you started with, your answer is three
←Rate | 09-24-2011 12:39 by Tonez Comments (1)  


   messageicon I hear Putin is running again for Russian Presidency. But more importantly, how will this affect the Russian mail order brides??
←Rate | 09-24-2011 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are those small bumps around a woman's nipples? They are Braille for "s*ck here."
←Rate | 09-24-2011 10:13 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a terrible dream last night. I was a baby and Dolly Parton was my mom and she bottle fed me.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:57 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The Lord moves in mysterious ways" said Peter while Jesus did the moonwalk.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:53 by JBabcock Comments (0)  


   messageicon What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:51 by Mick F Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know the pain pills are strong enough when taking one makes you sound like Ozzy Ozbourne.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:41 by JBabcock Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can think of no worse slam than to tell someone that they're a Jerry Springer Show gone bad.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:32 by AnnaMariaPastaFazoola Comments (0)  


   messageicon Few people alive can resist the temptation to look at the tissue after they sneeze, even fewer after they wipe.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:24 Comments (0)  




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