Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its National Coming Out Day. What ever you do don't take that call from Grandma. Trust Me on this.

   For a long time dogs were a mans best friend. Then porn took over.

   Muslim sex dolls are the by far the best. Not only are they all virgins, but they blow themselves up!

   Sorry hun but I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn I'm more of a casino were only the lucky ones hit the jackpot

   Hummer: The best way to prove that you can have money AND bad taste.

   I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well, just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing... but yup, its time to Shenanagin again.

   Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? A. He did okay until his business fell off.

   So, who else here can't open up a bag of "Bugles" without putting one on each finger and pretending to be a bear?

   I need a woman who understands me, Not one who criticices me for arranging my Beanie Babie's by phylum.

   I want Bieber-canceling headphones.

   I'm not a Gynacologist, But i'll have a look.

   peta=people eating tasty animals.

   Ahh good ole, Facebook mobile. Or as I like to call it, "WALK-N-STALK".

   radios in car wasn't tell the 50s numbnuts

   The radio... making car rides less awkward since 1927.

   Don't you hate when you read all the long post and can't find in funny? What a waste of time...

   The key to a woman's heart is shaped like a large wiener and has a Visa symbol on it.

   I like my women like I like my dogs. Obedient, loyal, and always licking ...

   Nothing is sexier than a woman wearing a team sports jersey and cheering on her team. Other than a woman who's not wearing a jersey..

   Thinking about making fish flavored breath mints to tackle the lesbian market.