Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Praying Steve can make this 20 hour wait to download the new iOS 5 hurry up from his iCloud

   Some girls need to realize that having fat on their bodies doesn't make them fat - it makes them alive.

   It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography,

   You feel safer when you're wearing clothes, even though they don't actually offer very much protection.

   Overhearing someone ask their friend a question sucks when you know the answer, but can't exhibit your amazing knowledge without seeming like a weirdo for listening to their conversation.

   Protester Fail: Every Guy Fawkes mask you buy to show your support sends a royallty to Time Warner, one of the largest corporations in America.

   Have you ever noticed that Velma(from Scooby-Doo) only says who the bad guy is after she pulls off their mask. And then conveniently knew it was him or her all along.

   Study: The act of eating, browsing the net, and listening to music with an open text book near by.

   Don't you hate the uncomfortable feeling when you have a really bad cold and one nostril is stuffed up to no avail and the other nostril is so perfectly clear that when you breath in it feels like all the cool air goes straight to your brain.

   There's always that feeling of relief when you run in 10 minutes late for class, and it turns out that your teacher is later than you.

   It would be horrible if Facebook connected to Google and posted what you are searching for.

   There are times where you really do feel sorry for Squidward.

   Accidentally quoting lyrics may be funny or embarrassing, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

   Think about it this way: Due to all of the successes Steve Jobs had, news of his death is spreading faster than it ever could have. That's what I call a life's accomplishment.

   It's especially dangerous to run with scissors when someone nearby is running with rock.

   Come on Boys and Men , Grow a Moustache for Movember..just google it to find out what it's all about

   Buckwheat Word Of The Day: Dictate "I aks Darla wen she give me a bIow job how my dictate."

   David Guetta, NOT DEAD !!!!!!! :)

   When you were in elementary school, looking up the word "sex" in the dictionary was like watching porn.

   Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like, “I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice."