Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Because I was born in the 90s I have, so far, lived through 3 decades, 2 centuries and 2 millenniums and I am yet to be 20!

   Nothing is ever worth giving up your class.

   Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social networking, not a diary.

   Recession update: I'm down to one burrito per paycheck. I have neither the energy nor the pico de gallo to joke about this.

   Health Tip: rubbing fruit in the palms of your hands is not a safe alternative to washing with water.

   amazed of how human body transforms food into sh!t...

   wondering if Linus will spend all night in the pumpkin patch again this year.

   - I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into good energy with one click on that delete button ........ click , click , click ... GONE :)

   Admit it – no matter how much you play it cool, you've gotten butthurt over something minor on the Internet before.

   Went out and bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it :-s

   B!tch please, my bubblegum flavor lasts longer than your relationships.

   In elementary school, it was a crime to give homework on Fridays.

   Thinking Washington will be the answer to the world's problems is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process.

   I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.

   My dog could have just asked for smoke instead of eating the whole pack.

   GEORGE SOROS HAS JETPACKS AND HE'S NOT SHARING!!!!

   Guy at coffee shop just requested something "dunkable." This is making me uncomfortable.

   ou know you're lazy when you don't have any clean bowls so you eat cereal off a plate.

   Excuse me. Anyone know when the Occupy Hooters rally starts?