Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   what if all we had tommarow was what we gave thanks to god for today?

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Guys, do your part to make sure that cancer doesn't steal second base.

   Its Funny How Sitting "Boy Girl Boy Girl" Used To Be a Punishment.

   Google is only 12 years old and knows even more than me.

   If I want to be part of your religion I would be the one to go to your church by myself. It doesn't bother if someone come to knock at my door, is the annoying way to try to change my believes that bothers me.

   REMINDER- Don't forget to hand out White Chocolate this Halloween so that little Black kids can get their faces dirty too!

   "God made a few perfect heads, the rest he had to cover with hair."

   She is buy-sexual. You have to buy her expensive sh!t if you want sex...

   The only way I will ever occupy wall street is if I inherit money... not happenin'...

   Pumpkin-Picking Tip: Don't let those hillbilly monsters that run the place lure you into the tractor shed.

   Sometimes the beast within us is actually shown on the outside.

   If you're a hacker… here's my password ●●●●●●●●●●●●●

   She is bi-sexual. You have to buy her expensive stuff if you want to get sexual with her.

   Unprotected sex can lead to Pregnancy or Diseases. Masturbation just leads to sleep.

   80% of my conversations with others occur inside my head.

   If you don't stop wearing that much eyeliner someone is going to call animal control and report you as slutty raccoon on the loose.

   It seems like some people were born without a sense of humor

   Bald people it's not ur fault, ur simply taller then ur hair

   My wife watches cooking shows constantly, I don't get it because her cooking isn't any better. I'm sure she feels the same way about me and porn.