Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.

   95 % of all my hallucinations have the Banana splits in them.

   Call me old fashioned, but doesn't it seem like people today try marriage on for size? I mean.. your not in a Wallmart dressing room!! 

   Ok it's been almost 30 years, And for the life of me....I still can't understand what Dan Akroyd was doing in the "We are the world" video.

   I hit my snooze button so much on my alarm clock I renamed it Tina Turner.....or Luca.

   It doesn't sound manly for a guy to say he's tweeting on Twitter.

   Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to " Unstable "

   Boy: I wear the pants in this relationship. Girl: yah but I control the damn zipper.

   it rude to throw a breath mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?

   Life is like a can of whipped cream.....you have to shake things up a little before you get anything out of it.

   When I was a child,I acted like a child and had imaginary friends,now they just call it facebook.

   There is 2 types of ugly girls; the UGLY girls, and the girls with MAKE-UP.

   With all the people on my back, it's a miracle I can even walk.

   Life is sexually transmitted.

   Michael Vick is gonna DAWG the Redskins.

   What College did your "Smart phone" go to?

   I'm at that stage where I have the wardrobe of a skateboarder and the hairline of someone who yells at skateboarders.

   Girls just want to have funds.

   Moving to Google+ after a facebook change is like moving to Canada after an election. Noone actually goes through with it, and even if you did, you wouldn't have any friends when you get there.

   Admit it, your heart skips a beat when you see the 'number' on the globe icon whenever you login to FB ;o)