Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you dont see a future in yourself, then there is no future in us...

   Sometimes it's easier to act like you don"t care, than to admit that it's killing you.

   #LADIES!, Wanna know if your man cheating ? Snatch his phone run in the bathroom if he try to kick the door down "You aren't the only one"

   Listening to a Spanish female duet in a Greek restaurant. It's confusing to me and all these Koreans.

   I have found that the best earmuffs are the inside of a women's thighs.

   The word "epic" has lost the right to exist.

   Destroying all of this evidence would go a lot faster if I could shoot lasers from my eyes!

   My ex offered me a ride to the appointment, I declined and politely told her that I didn't think we would both fit on her broom...

   not sure which pants to wear today... smarty or fancy.

   I invented a new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!

   Didn't Get Humped Today...Calling Bullsh!t, On Hump Day.

   I broke up with my Gym, we were not working out

   When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi, that way people visit more often

   :V (Guy who talks out of one side of his mouth).

   :E (Guy who doesn't know how to twirl spaghetti).

   :B (Guy with buck teeth).

   The Obamas are on vacation. Someone send a cop car by the White House to make sure Biden wasn't left home alone.

   Loves falling asleep to Adult Swim , I end up having funny dreams.

   Boobs are like the sun, you can only take quick glances, but wear sunglasses and you can look until the world ends.

   Soulja Boy arrested.Strangly enough it wasnt by da fashion cops.