Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Correct me if I am wrong but if your white, is it no longer cool to get beads braided into your pubic hair?

   Thank God for Pancakes and Tang.... They taste the same from when it goes down till you throw it back up!

   A booty call for Star Trek nerd is a Ferengi with Benefits.

   I hear teaching Geography is where it is at these days!

   Am I the only one that thinks Oscar The Grouch looks like a big pile of weed?

   You can't dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus

   That feel good feeling when someone walks into your life and you know there going to make an impact on your life :)

   Arm amputees: "Stumped" for cash? Earn a lucritive second income by taking impressive fisting photos.

   Can we pretend that shooting stars in the night sky are like airplanes? I could really use some frequent-flyer miles right now...

   Yes, m@sturbation is a pleasant, yet quick diversion. Scratching one's own b@lls however, can provide hours and hours of limitless entertainment. At least that's what my dad says.

   Hello, this is OnStar Mr Gadaffi. We noticed that your car is not moving, is everything OK? ..... Hello,...Hello?

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   Why do people add "just sayin" we know you said it because we can read.

   There's a “send” button; there's a “resend button; WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNSEND BUTTON?

   You're cute…That's until your 30-day photoshop trial expires.

   I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply.

   I wish my homework was horny, so it would do itself. Just sayin.

   Glad Doc Brown no longer needs plutonium for his flux capacitor, ‘cause the Libyans are to busy having a party.

   A semi-literate bear enthusiast will feel misled after clicking on the "grisly photo" link in Yahoo News Libya coverage.

   Maybe if the Libyans spent less time firing into the air, the civil war could have ended 4 months ago.