Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Carlos Santana wanna be, oops, I mean Muammar Gaddafi, is dead.

   ‎1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother George. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's George.

   Women like silent men... they think they're listening!

   Hackers reprogrammed the YouTube page of Sesame Street using porn. One of the videos was brought to you by the letter oooohhhh...

   Lindsay Lohan was taken into custody -- the good news for her parents is they can see her growing up in with all her mugshots.

   Appropriately, Gaddaffi was killed by a rebel fighter standing in the sunroof of a VW van.

   A Christian right wing pastor named Mark Driscoll said masturbation is a form of homosexuality, so apparently I'm not just a homosexual, but I am a ridiculously promiscuous flaming homosexual. 30+ years and I had no idea.

   People are saying that Lindsay Lohan was thumbing her nose at the law. She was prabably just holding it on from all the coke.

   I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking passion.

   Police marksmen covering disturbances at Dale Farm have been required to open fire three times..........they won a goldfish,teddybear and inflateable hammer!

   that embarrassing moment; when you're yelling at someone, and you mess up a word.

   Last night when I was drunk I asked a cat if it could talk, it replied! "Me? How?"

   Money is not a problem. The problem is I don't have Money.

   Carlos Santana must be relieved that his look-alike Gadaffi is gone.

   I am too lazy to walk a mile in your shoes so I will just go ahead and judge you.

   Now that Moammar Gadhafi is dead is it to soon to call dibs on his kick ass collection of sunglasses?

   Why the hell do people say, "Nice to meet you" when it's their first time to meet me and I haven't had any chance to say anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I could be an a$$hole for all you know.

   Your Tapout shirt implies you will kick my a$$, but your fake tan says you want to do something else to my a$$

   Excuse me lady, there is a FACE on your Makeup.

   Bathroom Rule #6. Before you sit down, check for toilet paper. No one wanta to do that walk of shame.