Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Have you ever noticed that Velma(from Scooby-Doo) only says who the bad guy is after she pulls off their mask. And then conveniently knew it was him or her all along.

   Study: The act of eating, browsing the net, and listening to music with an open text book near by.

   Don't you hate the uncomfortable feeling when you have a really bad cold and one nostril is stuffed up to no avail and the other nostril is so perfectly clear that when you breath in it feels like all the cool air goes straight to your brain.

   There's always that feeling of relief when you run in 10 minutes late for class, and it turns out that your teacher is later than you.

   It would be horrible if Facebook connected to Google and posted what you are searching for.

   There are times where you really do feel sorry for Squidward.

   Accidentally quoting lyrics may be funny or embarrassing, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

   Think about it this way: Due to all of the successes Steve Jobs had, news of his death is spreading faster than it ever could have. That's what I call a life's accomplishment.

   It's especially dangerous to run with scissors when someone nearby is running with rock.

   Come on Boys and Men , Grow a Moustache for Movember..just google it to find out what it's all about

   Buckwheat Word Of The Day: Dictate "I aks Darla wen she give me a bIow job how my dictate."

   David Guetta, NOT DEAD !!!!!!! :)

   When you were in elementary school, looking up the word "sex" in the dictionary was like watching porn.

   Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like, “I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice."

   It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you.

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say" f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get."

   It's annoying when you go to a birthday party and you know nobody there except the host/hostess, and the host/hostess doesn't even pay attention to you so you're just sitting there awkwardly.

   It was better back when you could look under a bottle cap and see you won instantly, rather than this entering a code online thing they have now. I want to look under the cap and see "YOU WON!" instead of ED34GH.

   It's really annoying when the feeling of your dream remains, but you can't remember what the dream was about.