Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   know pizza, know peace. no pizza, no peace

   copying status's from many pages ago and re posting them in the hope people aint seen them before, in attempt to make myself look funny.

   when captain morgan files his taxes for this year .... he's gonna claim me as a dependent

   Hey people who abbreviate "text" to "txt," hly fck, ur lzy!

   Until the protestors organize a occupy bourbon street, they are pretty much on their on...

   Apple & Blackberry crumble!!!

   I gave three women Corona's today and not one of them appeared in a bikini! Dang false advertising!!

   Ok, if I agree with you and say I'm codependent will you promise to never ever leave?

   Next week I'm going to leave my son home and bring a canned ham to his T-ball practice and see if the coaches notice.

   A lot of people on the packages of Halloween costumes went on to great things such as german porn and medical catalogs.

   All I want is to live in a world where kids don't lose their s*** when they see Elmo.

   There's no difference between instant maple & brown sugar oatmeal & an oatmeal & raisin cookie so screw the system, I'm eating the cookie.

   I always feel tricked into exercise when I peel an orange.

   Anyone mind if I invented a new letter to go between M and N?

   It's hard to tell if someone's short email means they're mad or just busy. I always reply, "Thanks, C***face!" just in case.

   All is not lost. It's just a little bit hard to keep track of.

   I'd like to thank my ex for making me see how I shouldn't be treated

   Why do the best-looking cars have the dumbest drivers?

   With all these toys in the world, people choose "feelings" to play with.

   Kristen Stewart: 5 movies 1 facial expression.