Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   my life's story is too far different from yours so please stop questioning and judging me

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes

   If an astronaut killed another astronaut on the moon, would he be arrested when he got back to earth? The only person on earth that can decide this is Miss Universe.

   You can say anything about the Amish on Facebook, there not going to see it.

   believes that I date the same man over and over just in different wrappers...

   im ont a big fan of twilight but it does help the ego hearing the ladies say how sexy they think Edward is

   Amazing, if you type the word that is your password facebook will turn it into asterisks. It works believe me... my pw is: *******

   HEY amerikanski, if your country is so good why you still in Iraq and fat?

   Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming forks for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

   And to think, you were the fastest swimmer on conception day!

   Once you're on the third movie, isn't it just Normal Activity?

   Has a dream that one day, all women will be judged not by the content of their character but by the contents of their blouse....

   Breast awareness month: we stare because we care

   Fah-Q, Fah-Q and Fah-Q!! Whose next?

   What's up with the Mexican jokes, they are so lame! Come up with something better...LOL

   Q-What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower? A-Promoted

   I still don't like it when the cat brings back dead mice and voles, but at least at this time of year they act like cute little hand warmers as I clear them away!

   Why do mexicans have small stearing wheels?so they can drive with handcuffs on

   You cannot have a Zen garden with the little rake and sand if you also have a cat. Trust me.

   You can always tell the pessimist on a cruise ship. He's the one wearing a shark suit the whole time.