Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   school sux more d than the girls that attend it

   I finally slept with my HS Crush but it's kind of weird now because she wants me to go to her graduation.

   Don't you hate it when you're right, but you're the only person in the room that knows it, so as far as everyone is concerned, you're just wrong.

   Blackberry must be a woman cause only a woman can ignore you for 3 days straight and then pretend nothing was wrong.. Next time I will buy a Louis Vuitton cover so she starts talking again.. :-)

   IPods: where 8 GB of memory really means 6.46.

   Even though they have no use for them, guys would look kinda weird without nipples.

   It seems like in movies, when they want a female to look older, they just cut her hair.

   If somebody does a backflip, they automatically become a bada$$.

   There are 7 billion people in this world, don't let one ruin your day.

   A relationship is like standing on wet cement..The longer you stand the more difficult is to leave & even if you leave, you leave your footprints behind.

   A woman interviewing me for a job, was hot, but a real b!tch. She goes, "Are you bi-lingual?" I didn't even want the job at this point, so I said, "Yes, I can lick ur pu$$y and ur a$$hole. "SECURITY!!!!"

   Owls make good pets because they're always interested in your social life. You tell it "guess who I went to the movies with" and it always asks"who?"

   It sucks whenever you hear a song you really like in public but you don't know the name of it.

   "If you want to fly, you got to give up the sh*t that weighs you down!"

   I don't know if I walked in to the wrong restroom, but it smells like fish in the men's room.

   Yo facebook friends, My Blackberry's out so give me a wall.

   If you like mine, I'll like yours. Status people...talking STATUS!

   Note to self: thanks for always being there.

   Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!

   Facebook should change it from "Friends" to "People I've made eye contact with".