Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My solution to world hunger: Tell em to order Dominoes Pizza.....they can't possibly get in 30 minutes so it would all be free.

   everyone is so eager to get some prison tattoos but nobody is eager to go to prison...

   I've always wanted to place a personal ad no one would answer: "Elderly, depressed, accident-prone junkie, likes Canadian food and Welsh music, seeking rich, well-built, oversexed, female deaf mute in her late teens. Must be nonsmoker."

   find the gay person: ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ can't do it can you? it's cause their humans too.. stop hating, you look pathetic

   Found some chips in the bag of air I just bought!

   I hate it when people get distracted while they are talking...oooh, look, a butterfly

   Ladies keep saying "Save the TaTa's" as their Breast Cancer Awareness slogan. I will do my part then ladies so text me a pic of those tittays and I will save them to my phone!

   Good things come to those who wait. Well.. except for the people on death row.

   what if all we had tommarow was what we gave thanks to god for today?

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Guys, do your part to make sure that cancer doesn't steal second base.

   Its Funny How Sitting "Boy Girl Boy Girl" Used To Be a Punishment.

   Google is only 12 years old and knows even more than me.

   If I want to be part of your religion I would be the one to go to your church by myself. It doesn't bother if someone come to knock at my door, is the annoying way to try to change my believes that bothers me.

   REMINDER- Don't forget to hand out White Chocolate this Halloween so that little Black kids can get their faces dirty too!

   "God made a few perfect heads, the rest he had to cover with hair."

   She is buy-sexual. You have to buy her expensive sh!t if you want sex...

   The only way I will ever occupy wall street is if I inherit money... not happenin'...

   Pumpkin-Picking Tip: Don't let those hillbilly monsters that run the place lure you into the tractor shed.

   Sometimes the beast within us is actually shown on the outside.