Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "The reason why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."

   If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

   Some girls should NOT be allowed to post on facebook during their bye week.

   Apparently the drummer from Blur wants to be an MP. Yet another politician who wants to live in a house, a very big house in the country...

   Breast Awareness month: we stare because we care.

   Right now what Lindsay Lohan needs more than anything is our caring and understanding. And just a little bit of cocaine if possible.

   Last Sunday's sermon came from Manchester 6vs1..'and Fergie wept.'..

   Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend's status changes to "In a relatiobship"....You: (Damn). A week later, their status changes back to "Single"....You: (Hahahahahahaha!)

   Me: "What was your major in college?" Friend: "I'm majoring in Debtology and Unemployconomics. Sure is a lot of students in the classes."

   my life's story is too far different from yours so please stop questioning and judging me

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes

   If an astronaut killed another astronaut on the moon, would he be arrested when he got back to earth? The only person on earth that can decide this is Miss Universe.

   You can say anything about the Amish on Facebook, there not going to see it.

   believes that I date the same man over and over just in different wrappers...

   im ont a big fan of twilight but it does help the ego hearing the ladies say how sexy they think Edward is

   Amazing, if you type the word that is your password facebook will turn it into asterisks. It works believe me... my pw is: *******

   HEY amerikanski, if your country is so good why you still in Iraq and fat?

   Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming forks for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

   And to think, you were the fastest swimmer on conception day!

   Once you're on the third movie, isn't it just Normal Activity?