Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You think it’s hard to train dogs? We can’t even get people to sit and stay

   Learned two lessons today. 1) Kitchen sex can be wild and exciting. 2) The staff at The Olive Garden are very narrow minded.

   What is all this talk about sacrificing grandma in order to boost the economy??? You people are sick!

   A 17-year-old whose death was initially linked to the novel coronavirus despite not having any previously reported health conditions was denied treatment at a California medical facility. Very Commie of them.

   For once in my life I think I found a new diet that really seems to be working for me! That called " I better not eat too much as I'm starting to run low on toilet paper"

   I bought some TP at the dollar store today so yeah, life is going pretty good these days...

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.

   Fake Christian below.

   idiot post below

   I toilet papered my house last night. It's now worth 1.4 million.

   Once this corona tension is over....will take 7 days break and rest at home.

   What's a Kleptomaniacs favorite band? Take That

   Should marijuana be legalized? Let's have a reefer-endum.

   hey you the atheist below please move on

   Literal Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Excuse me, are you Swiss? I'd love to check out your holes.

   The person who said "One person can't change the world" obviously never ate an under-cooked bat.

   Day 7 of quarantine: I haven’t showered for weeks

   panicked at the grocery store and came home with a pineapple

   You know, if you keep a pie in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.

   My current diet is similar to a 9yr old who just found $20.