Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rosie O'Donnell has just come forward to admit that Herman Cain tried to grab her genitals nearly 15 years ago. She said he stopped when he reached her beanbag.

   ..maybe if Heavy D would of been Slightly Chubby D he might of lived and loved a little longer ;)

   I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm from this "passion fruit".

   I'm better at everything I don't get paid for.

   My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough.

   You had me at..."My family is very wealthy".

   I never worry about money. What's the sense of worrying about something you don't have?

   It would be so cool if I could see what my life would be like if I had made different decisions.

   all the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run like forrest

   My girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days.

   If DR. Conrad Murray bends over to pick up his soap in his prisn shower he may get a real 'Thriller'.

   joe Paterno might be going from Penn State to the state pin

   What kind of sausage was being served at Godfather's pizza?

   With all these gold diggers coming forward, Herman Cain's got a long road to "HOE".

   I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder.

   1 female smurf, 50,000 boy smurfs, no wonder they all had blue balls

   garlic burps are sexy.

   The sex was getting really hot...until he pulled out his Yoda pillow...

   Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong."

   If my boyfriend doesn't stop snoring I'm going to fart in his face.