Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just because you didn't "Like" it...Doesn't mean you didn't see it!

   !̸̶͚͖͖̩̻̩̗͍̮̙̈͊͛̈͒̍̐ͣͩ̋ͨ̓̊̌̈̊́̚͝͠ͅ ̷̧̢̛͖̤̟̺̫̗͚̗͖ͪ̏̔̔̒́ͥ̓ͫ̀ͤ̇ͥ͝ ̡̊͛̇ ͫ̉ͦ̊̀̔ͧͮ͆̽ͦͩ͋̌͗̚̚҉̵͖̟͙̮͈̼̹̞͝ͅis ...Thats right I virtually cracked your screen ;P

   We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers. They would call it On Anon Anon.

   I had a cab driver in Paris. The man smelled like a guy eating cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse.

   I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

   My favorite animal is steak.

   It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

   I broke a mirror in my house, I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

   Candyland tastes like cardboard.

   Some people don't like Vietnemese food,but I don't know what they're complaining pho.

   It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.

   Cowboys at Eagles Sunday night. Up for Homo Romo to go down on the Eagles.

   Really Olive Garden, Unlimited breadsticks? I'll have 20.000 of them. Oh I can't have 20.000? then their not unlimited are they?

   Teacher: "I am beautiful, which tense is this?" Me: "Obviously the past...”

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again! How scary would that be!

   If Facebook isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again!

   when ur a kid you ask "why do I gotta pick up my toys?"...when ur an adult you get the answer

   I hate that awkad moment when a dumb b!tch likes a Facebook page called "I Hate Dumb B!tches."

   Some people's facebook $tatuse$ are ridiculously overdramatic. "going to school feels like a knife through my heart!!!" it's like, .....shut up.