Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I'm Confused.

   I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.

   You used to be my reason to smile, now you are my reason to frown.

   Ok gang, help me get in the loop. Is it considered taboo for Asians to drive vehicles other than a Honda or a Toyota?

   Ice Bank Mice Elf, say it out loud.

   Keep your neighbors on their toes. Rename your WiFi network to "surveillance van #3"

   An older woman who likes young guys is a cougar. An older man who likes young guys is a Nittany Lion.

   Rosie O'Donnell has just come forward to admit that Herman Cain tried to grab her genitals nearly 15 years ago. She said he stopped when he reached her beanbag.

   ..maybe if Heavy D would of been Slightly Chubby D he might of lived and loved a little longer ;)

   I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm from this "passion fruit".

   I'm better at everything I don't get paid for.

   My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough.

   You had me at..."My family is very wealthy".

   I never worry about money. What's the sense of worrying about something you don't have?

   It would be so cool if I could see what my life would be like if I had made different decisions.

   all the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run like forrest

   My girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days.

   If DR. Conrad Murray bends over to pick up his soap in his prisn shower he may get a real 'Thriller'.

   joe Paterno might be going from Penn State to the state pin

   What kind of sausage was being served at Godfather's pizza?