Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4312 of 6426

In the timeless words of Devoe and his confidants Bell & Biv. Never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is poison.
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11-08-2011 08:55
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Never forget what someone says when they're angry. Apologies are given when people are sorry that others heard their unfiltered opinions.
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11-08-2011 08:47
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Be comfortable in your own skin, only serial killers are comfortable in other people's skin.
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11-08-2011 08:43 by Czovczov
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if she let's you keep your weed in her bra... wife that b!tch
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11-08-2011 08:43
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I dont know who gets around more " The Duggars or Hermain Cain".
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11-08-2011 08:17
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Why does the new FB layout say "12 more recent stories", then when you click it, it takes you way down the page to the old ones??
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11-08-2011 07:04
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Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
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11-08-2011 07:02
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Time heals all wounds but memories reopen them.
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11-08-2011 01:39
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Dracula + Tinkerbell = Edward Cullen. He is not a VAMPIRE. He doesn't feed on PEOPLE, he lives in the forest, and he sparkles. He is CLEARLY a Fairy.
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11-08-2011 01:12 by Ninja
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My level of maturity changes depending on who I'm hanging out with.
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11-08-2011 01:08
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Facebook Shortcomings: Everyone in the picture is tagged, except for the attractive person I wanted to stalk.
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11-08-2011 00:50
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Life could be worse....woman could get away with murdering their baby daughter while a doctor who gives his client illegal drugs and he dies could end up going to jail. Oh wait.....
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11-08-2011 00:33
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"RIP Joe Frazier... I Can't Believe He's Gone...I'm still shaking" -Muhammad Ali-
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11-08-2011 00:20 by @Alastor
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This Planking epidemic is getting out of hand. The old lady next door been laying outside for 3 days now.
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11-08-2011 00:12 by g0re
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Homosexual has the same number of letters as cantaloupe. Coincidence? Yes.
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11-08-2011 00:11 by g0re
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I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything.
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11-07-2011 23:41 by BEGO
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Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared.
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11-07-2011 23:37 by BEGO
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Never chase anyone. A person who really appreciates you will always walk with you.
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11-07-2011 23:28 by Angie
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From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a damn video proving it.
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11-07-2011 23:26 by BEGO
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face down ass up thats the way i..................................................................................tie my shoes...nasties what were ya thinking?
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11-07-2011 23:11
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