love Funny Status Messages

   Love fades with time, shape, weight, looks and bank balance.

   I am recruiting for valentine's. I want my love to be crazy and beautiful. I want my love to be passionate and heart-wrenching and unpredictable. Boring need not apply.

   ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!

   Even as a baby, I was straight. I loved titties then and I love them today.

   I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “

   I fell in love with an Irish girl from the bad part of town. She had no time for me. She'd rather do the jig.

   If you love someone set them free. If they come back with two police officers, it means stalking was not a good idea.

   If you can't be with the one you love, tolerate the one you're with.

   Love yourself, just don’t do it in public. There are laws against that type of behavior.

   Some couples experience a deep, unconditional love that transcends words and exists as happiness in its purest form. I have that with vodka.

   A restraining order is kinda like a love note right?

   Captain and Tennille divorcing after 39 years? But I thought "Love was going to keep you together"? I guess he got tired of "Doing it to her one more time"

   Look me in the lazy eye and tell me you love me. Other eye.

   During love making she said "deeper" so I rolled over and started reading her poetry.

   I love you so much that if I had to choose between the last bottle of vodka in the world and you, I would make a toast in your honor.

   "I have decided to stick to love... Hate is too much of a burden to bear" - Martin Luther King jnr

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers,,, You'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.

   'Words can't even describe how much I love you' - Someone who just used words to describe how much they love you

   I'm at my most savage when I'm solo love making to the lion king soundtrack.

   Pro tip: when you wake up, reach for your GF's boobs before reaching for your phone to check your Facebook. Women love that.