Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 428 of 6383
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit’s door.
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04-05-2020 08:27
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I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.
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04-05-2020 07:50
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Guy just asked me where a public phone was, I told him 1987.
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04-05-2020 07:44
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2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, were the years I was in my prime.
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04-05-2020 07:41
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At my age when I’m asked if I’m seeing someone I assume they mean a therapist
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04-05-2020 07:11
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this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home
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04-05-2020 07:08
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87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
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04-05-2020 07:07
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This isolation thing is going to make Palm Sunday mean something completely different to a lot of people.
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04-05-2020 05:41 by Fazzy
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I pretty much have this social distancing thing down to a science. I go out with no pants on. No one comes within 50 feet of me, let alone 6.
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04-04-2020 13:08 by ITAM
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Sam Adams is the main reason I know what season it is.
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04-04-2020 09:19
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My initial goal is to get really, really fat and be a contestant on The Biggest Loser.
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04-04-2020 09:18
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Me: what’s the first thing you want to do after the quarantine? Wife: get a babysitter.
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04-04-2020 08:51
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Remember when all we had to worry about was a little poop on our lettuce?
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04-04-2020 08:49
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Did you know most countries make you keep your shirt on during all you can eat ribs night?
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04-04-2020 08:47
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Good Morning Inmates
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04-04-2020 08:46 by Mckibb
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Me at 5: I’ll be famous one day. Me at 15: I’ll be successful one day. Me at 25: I’ll take a great vacation one day Me now: I’ll just eat this this sauerkraut straight from the can.
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04-04-2020 08:45
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I’m guessing the best thing about being a zombie is knowing the dance routine to “Thriller”.
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04-04-2020 08:44
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CORONA VIRUS TIP: If you have a donut in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face or shake hands.
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04-04-2020 08:43
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The lockdown has made workout guru Richard Simmons popular again. It's like taking exercise advice from a marshmallow.
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04-04-2020 07:26
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it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter basket?
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04-04-2020 05:15 by Starman
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