Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The final episode of Mythbusters should end with them proving they don't exist... and then vanishing.

   BREAKING: Penn State assistant coach Mike McQueary sent to the Pennsylvania Home for Horrible, Awful Gingers

   Starting to think my fear of rubbing lamps is really hurting me in the genie-finding department.

   If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be "Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics."

   11 was quite a popular number. Next year it'll be all about 12

   Facebook just got real. You can unsubscribe to status updates and turn people from "friends" to "acquaintances". It's a dirty game

   Wife: Don't Drink Today, or Else No Sex Tonight Husband gives it plenty of Thought Confused What To Choose: 12 yr old Whisky or... 40 yr old Cake

   I'm taking the greed out of agreed, because I don't.

   In the Czech Republic abortions are known as cancelled Czechs

   I buy an ipad and steve jobs dies, I buy a blackberry and bbm dies. I have just bought Justin Bieber's album... Fingers crossed

   age is just a number, yeah right!! and "too young" is just a name in china

   The uneasy moment when you are having a conversation in your head & you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.

   Officer : How High are you ? Drunk : No officer it's Hi, How are you ?!

   There are girls complaining that there's no good guys left...Hello.....they are where you left them, IN THE FRIEND ZONE

   I'll never forget what you did to me, but I'll never let you know I remember.

   "See I don't understand me...My plan is to win your heart before I win the GRAMMY". :D

   I want to rap with Dr. Dre, I want to smoke with Snoop Dogg, and I want to burn a house with Eminem.

   Erasers can be your best friend and be like "Oh hey, you need this erased? No problem, I got you." While other times, they can be like"OH HEY I THINK YOUR PAPER NEEDS A SMUDGE RIGHT HERE, LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU".

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".

   *Press a toy in the store* *won't stop making noises *slowly walk away*