Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Feels like I spooned an aggressive hedgehog last night.

   I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

   Facebook should have a way to tell you who un-friended you... Not that I care really, it's their loss, Just to know to who to deny when they try to friend you again...

   Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.

   If facebook showed how many times I visited your profile, I'm dead. 

   FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run.

   When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.

   Since Facebook shows everyone when you like or comment to someone's pic. Wouldnt it be fair if it did the same when you remove someone? and the reason Why?

   Maybe because she is watching more football, but I am starting to like it when she stops, calls for a measurement then goes for it.....

   Titty Bars are the male version of window shopping.... You can't afford what you are looking at, but you sure can see yourself in it!

   confusion spawns from not being honest with yourself and true to your own feelings. Now get your head out of your ass!

   If you keep allowing yourself to be used as a doormat, don't complain when you're thrown away for new one once you get worn out.

   In a sad blow to the pervs and rapists, A judge orders no more tent pitching on Wall Street.

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!

   either i'm becoming bitter and judgemental or everyone else has become stupid and pathetic.

   with some of the ugly pics some people post of themselves, I'm just glad facebook isnt in HD

   Gore Vidal's parents set the bar pretty high for baby namin'

   If the NBA season is canceled, then LeBron James will have to travel somewhere to choke in June.

   The upside of crystal meth is I found out my dog is a great listener.

   Open-toed boots are the mullet of ladies' footwear.