Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ONCE UPON A TIME there was a girl & a boy who loved each other then a slut came along & ruined everything. THE END!

   The man who really loves his girl, is the man who knows that he can make her cry... but will never try.

   Kids are more fun when you can give them back.

   A relationship with no trust is like a cell phone with no service. You can only play games.

   Love has 4 letters, but so does Hate ; Friends has 7 letter, but so does Enemies; Truth has 5 letters, but so does Lying

   What's Herman Cain and Sandusky's favorite song? "It wasn't me" by singer Shaggy featuring RicRok

   Dont you just love my t!tt!es? (+ )(- ).. Its just a tit bit nipply in here!

   I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by switching to single

   Ummm,,,,Why do all these old bands keep copying glee songs?

   Don't call me son unless you're going to include me in your will.

   watching football its like watching monkeys chasing a banana

   I have heard that if a bear approaches you in the woods...you should play dead. I think I know why. it's to get you used to what you're going to look like in a minute.

   Call me crazy but I think Herman Cain could still win this thing if everyone he groped votes for him...

   I DO WHAT I WANT! WHEN I WANT! WHERE I WANT!...... if Mom says its ok...

   floods, check...earthquake, check...hurricane...check, Locusts..where are those damn locusts?

   Hey,,Just started reading "The Chubby Checker Story". No spoilers please,,,,,,, apparently there's a twist.

   Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" had to be inspired by a 3am piss.

   Are you leaning on your left elbow?

   I WASNT GOOD IN MATH BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX I'm ALL ABOUT ANGLES

   I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?