Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fine don't text me back then. It's not like I'm obsessively checking my damn phone or anything.

   U know that Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.

   *Logs onto FaceBook and reads* 5 song lyrics, 2 people telling what they're doing right then at that very moment, 3 stupid pictures of food or funny faces, 4 attempts at a witty remark, 1 truly funny witty remark, and a person who likes 75 pages.

   He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good… Sounds like Santa's got a Facebook.

   If facebook had an anonymous button, then all hell would break loose.

   Thank god Facebook is back up. I've had to phone 247 of my friends to tell them 'I hate work, I'm having a glass of water and going to bed, lol'. It's taken me all night!

   If they shut down facebook, people would be roaming the streets in tears , shoving pictures of themselves in other people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!".

   s I think they should leagalize p0t for teachers.. Think about it.. It eliminates them drinkin on the job.. It would make classes a lot more interesting, and people may actually wana stay in school.

   I think they should leagalize p0t for teachers.. Think about it.. It eliminates them drinkin on the job.. It would make classes a lot more interesting, and people may actually wana stay in school.

   I HATE the commercials that try to connect their product to a virtue of life, such as "Mayo....because everyone appreciates being with family." I could be with my family without Mayo, thanks

   It's a facebook status, not an opportunity to spill your whole life story and look for everybody's pity

   There's always that one person who's life you can watch fall apart through facebook statuse$

   I would love to hear more music that is not about sex or even love, because there is other stuff in life.

   It's a weird feeling when you can't remember if something happened in a dream or in real life.

   Welcome to High School. Pick 2- Good Grades, Enough Sleep, or a Social Life

   When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavors...make lemonade.

   Wouldn't it stink if there were thousands of other planets that had life, and we on Earth were the ONLY ones who didn't know? And we were the butt of aliens' jokes, i.e. "You're stupid as an Earthling."

   Dear Santa, I've been really good today, so lets focus on that!

   If whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then the life of someone who lives there must become a void once they leave town.

   It'd be interesting to see statistics of your life after you die. Like, what joke you found the funniest, how many times you smiled, how many times you laughed, how many times you lied, or how many people you loved.