santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   R.I.P to everybody who didn't make it to Christmas this year.

   Just got a belly piercing. It's a mistletoe, I don't want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas.

   I just want to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to everyone, well everyone but you. I shaved my nutz for you and you just left me to die a VIRGIN!!

   the world didn't end today?!?! Boy do I have a lot Christmas shopping to do now!

   My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"

   My next plan for Christmas shopping would be buying a couple of laptops to like my status on this ...

   I was just stuffed in to a bag by a fat creepy guy in a red suit. alright! fess up! Who put me on their Christmas list?

   My coworker, a Jehovah's Witness,, wouldn't attend the Christmas luncheon.. She took her bonus check though,, Maybe she's donating it to her church.

   Dear Santa, Please define good.

   How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite holiday special about a burglar whose crimes go wholly unpunished.

   I'm so glad they brought back the McRib for the Holidays...I always wanted an angioplasty for Christmas! ツ

   Santa, you either take my name off the Naughty list, or I show Mrs. Claus those pictures of you with that little blonde elf that works in the Doll department!

   I like to keep the security people at places like Best Buy, etc on their toes. Therefore, when I am leaving after having made a purchase and my item(s) still sets off the alarm, I will always take off running like a bat out of hell. Merry XMas!

   One of my favorite things about this time of year is seeing all the pictures of children screaming in sheer terror as their parents try to capture that special moment with Santa.

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then.

   I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

   I'm not saying Happy Holiday's to anyone this year, instead I'm saying Merry Christmas

   I just got my Kardashian Christmas card. It came with Herpes...