santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   One of my favorite things about this time of year is seeing all the pictures of children screaming in sheer terror as their parents try to capture that special moment with Santa.

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then.

   I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

   I'm not saying Happy Holiday's to anyone this year, instead I'm saying Merry Christmas

   I just got my Kardashian Christmas card. It came with Herpes...

   Our business says Merry Christmas!

   The thing I hate most about getting too drunk at my office Christmas party, is looking for a new job the next day.

   The real Christmas miracle is how quick I go broke

   Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.

   i'm thinking about sending a fruitcake to some family members for Christmas...u know the old saying "you are what you eat"

   That moment when you spend 20 minutes making all the christmas lights work, then putting them nicely along the ceiling, then stand back to look at the beautiful setup up.. Plug them in... And BAM, they don't work....\

   Coz that Pope started using Twitter, Santa just created his Facebook account. Guess what, all the kids are getting clothes and Bible for Christmas :)

   After putting up xmas lights last night I'm wondering why no one hasn't opened up a business that untangles xmas lights...

   This year I'm giving my girl the best Christmas gift ever. Anybody got any tips on how to wrap your b@lls?

   so many kids give carrots to the reindeer on Christmas & as they're flying you never hear of any droppings hitting a car or a roof.....id like to see that insurance claim

   Storage Wars is fake? What will you tell me next, that Taco Bell meat isn't real or that Santa isn't real?

   Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas

   Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.