santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Not setting my expectation high this Xmas, since I shall not be kissed under a mistletoe I shall accept to be kissed by a camel-toe.

   Always Remember, If CHRISTMAS Isn't Found In Ur Heart, You Won't Find It Under A Tree..

   Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. it's only fair since you're getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also.

   After spending most of Sunday wrapping presents I've decided next year everyone gets square present

   WTH!!! It's 2 days until Christmas and none of stores have their Valentine's Day stuff displayed.

   I saved a lot of money this Christmas by switching to single....

   I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.

   christmas shopping online is confusing the kids..they see their toys being delivered one at a time. If the UPS guy would dress like Santa..problem solved.

   Not cool, midgets shopping at the mall during Christmas. Very confusing.

   I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.

   Well unfortunately this year again, I didnt get to buy any kid's gift on Black Friday. So I'm getting them the usual Xmas present. A big pack of batteries and attach a card to it that says "Toys not Included"..... It's the thought that counts right?

   I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.

   Does anyone know what an 'Ofah Queue' is? Because that's what my husband said he got me for Christmas this year.

   I'm like a kid in the candy store when I shop for my x-mas presents at the liquor store.

   DEAR SANTA, When you're done with it... Can I have the naughty girl list????

   R.I.P to everybody who didn't make it to Christmas this year.

   Just got a belly piercing. It's a mistletoe, I don't want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas.

   I just want to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to everyone, well everyone but you. I shaved my nutz for you and you just left me to die a VIRGIN!!

   the world didn't end today?!?! Boy do I have a lot Christmas shopping to do now!

   My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"