Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I am not really scared that the world will end on 12/21/2012...I"m just scared of what crazy things people will do on that day.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:57 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Black Eyed Peas are to music what actual black-eyed peas are to music
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I slept with an acrobat once. She was lousy in bed. It was like Cirque de So-So lay.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:15 by @jerryycontee60 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of big regret and big hangover for Sunday.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:10 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dad: Do you drink...? Son: Are you asking me? OR...are you offering me?
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those girls, fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:07 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think Ken ever got mad because Barbie's knees don't bend?
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:04 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jamaican GPS' would be soo great. “TURN AROUND, MON. YOU GOIN' DE WRONG WAY. TURN DE ODDA WAY MON. KEEP GOIN' DATTA WAY, MON. TURN COMIN' UP ON DE NEXT LEFT. YOU GOT DIS, MON.”
←Rate | 12-03-2011 22:00 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon There were 2 cows in a field. One cow says ''Moo." The other cow replies,'Shut the f*ck up you uneducated twat'',
←Rate | 12-03-2011 21:43 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fastest way to get through a crowd: Walk fast, look worried, and yell"Timmy? TIMMY?! WHERE ARE YOU TIMMY?!".
←Rate | 12-03-2011 21:39 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you stand under me, if you don't understand me?
←Rate | 12-03-2011 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it rude and inconsiderate that my grandchildren haven't time- traveled to come and visit me.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 21:01 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Knock knock." "Who's there?""Dave." "Dave who?" Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 20:52 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon When Hermione's true love left her, she continued on to help Harry defeat the most powerful wizard of all time. When Bella's true love left her, she curled up in the fetal position for four months, cried, and jumped off a cliff..
←Rate | 12-03-2011 20:49 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon just ate 4 fiber bars today, been on the toilet for the past hour :/
←Rate | 12-03-2011 20:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."
←Rate | 12-03-2011 20:25 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon forecast for tonight? Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 19:53 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pay peanuts you get monkeys
←Rate | 12-03-2011 19:47 by Sibella Comments (0)  




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