Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Facebook seriously needs to start asking some people, “Are you SURE you want to post that stupidity?" before it allows them to update their status.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:32 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon The words "Serious" and "Facebook" DO NOT go hand in hand. Please pack your feelings in a suitcase and travel back to wherever you where before you discovered Facebook.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ask to use my Phone, and then start going through my photos, contacts, messages and call history, unless you want to meet God before I do.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:16 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buy a ship. Name it relation. Sit in it. You are in a relationship.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be the CEO of minding your own business.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger finished Yesterday with a 69. There has got to be a joke in there somewhere.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:07 by Vybe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, who left the bag of idiots open??
←Rate | 12-05-2011 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monday?! But, I wasn't even finished with Saturday yet....
←Rate | 12-05-2011 07:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know a lot of midget jokes but I am afraid they will come back to bite me in the ass.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon multi-directional urinating and it all landed safely at sea....gonna be a good day!
←Rate | 12-05-2011 05:10 by Bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had sex with a Prostitute who had only one eye. Told her I might see her again. She said shed keep an eye out for me.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 02:37 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not hard finding someone. What is hard is finding someone worth keeping.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon had his left side removed. He's all right now.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 23:53 by @AdEpTxNiNjA Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to buy kids loud gifts and laugh at how annoyed their parents are gonna get
←Rate | 12-04-2011 23:02 by @BoyGotJokes Comments (0)  


   messageicon When buying a new flat screen T.V, always remember to put the box in the neighbor's trash can so you don't get robbed.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 22:52 by John Comments (1)  


   messageicon I like my Cheerio's with an obscene amount of sugar....
←Rate | 12-04-2011 22:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was just asked what the shelf life was of " fruit cake " , all I could say was when's the rapture .
←Rate | 12-04-2011 22:07 by BigToe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watched " Soul surfer " on my " On demand " last night . I have to admit , it takes true dedication to your art to let them cut your arm off for a two hour movie .
←Rate | 12-04-2011 22:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why do some parents send the kid to their room when their bad?..."you did something wrong so go where you keep your toys & think about it"
←Rate | 12-04-2011 21:59 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friends are all putting pictures of their kids on their Christmas cards. I dont have kids so I might put a picture of money on mine.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 21:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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