Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance that you will be correct? A) 25% B) 50% C) 60% D) 25%

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   Ladies, you're running out of time to hump your way to some excellent Christmas presents from that guy you're sort of seeing right now.

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   it okay to fake my own death just so I don't have to spend Christmas with my family?

   What happens when you pepper spray a German? He can Nazi.

   Some people need to realize there is a "reply" option and a "reply all button".

   How are we suppose to have flying cars if we can't even get AM radio without static?

   Remember Grandpa from the show "RugRats"? Was I the only one shocked that his favorite snack was "Fuzzy Ding-A-Ling Bars"?

   If you're a psychic and you get murdered then no you weren't.

   run with wolves and you'll howl, associate with eagles and you'll soar!!

   WTF are you complaining about?! Unless there is lying, cheating, abuse or stealing involved in your relationship then its not as bad as you're making it out to be!

   ♫♪♫....I'm beginning to think I'm blocked for Christmas...♫♪♫

   It won't be easier just to erase every comment with more than 20 dislikes and almost no likes?

   The worst part about getting a monogrammed sweater for Christmas is having to find someone with your initials to regift the thing to

   The party dont start till I log in.

   I am really loving the chill, no drama, non-psycho, emotionally stable chick that you're pretending to be.

   She's not the sharpest marble in the crayon shed.

   You say you belong to Jesus but half of your profile pics are X-rated.

   Barely 24 hours left to be nice, then its naughty naughties all over again