Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yeah, I can see where decorating your office for Christmas takes priority over you actually doing the job you're getting paid for. While you're at it you might as well decorate the bathroom too, someone might actually give a sh*t in there

   Just bought forty copies of Justin Bieber's latest CD as Christmas presents for all those who really pissed me off throughout 2011.

   I wish R.I.P Meant - "Return If Possible"

   If sex were a pancake, it would be a very good pancake.

   Googled ,what women hate about men and a picture of me appeared ..!!!

   Last Christmas I gave you my heart. But the very next day you gave it away. This year I'll give it to someone speci....wait a minute! You re-gifted my heart!?!

   Dont be suprised if a big fat man comes down your chimney and puts you in a black sack.. I told him I want you for Christmas.

   Ok all so its about 8:15 pm december 20, 2011. That means we basically have 1 year 3 hours and 45 minutes of existence left :p....Lets make the best of it

   We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we're together because we're scared to see each other with somebody else *Drake*

   If you let the bad things stop you, you'll never get to the good things.

   Your picture on Facebook (`▽´) .Your face in real life : (‾(••)‾)

   New year resolution- nothing better to start the year than by making more rules to break over the year.

   If I can give some advice to the gentleman, you can say you love her but actions speak louder than words. Females have had guys talk and talk, and the actions dont match up. If you wanna prove you are not like the rest, act like it. Dont just say it.

   I wanna write "I miss you" on a rock then throw it to your face, so you can feel how missing you hurts.

   video game logic: Everyone worse than me is a noob. Everyone better than me has no life

   What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing.. they just WAVED...Do you SEA what I did there?...I'm SHORE you did, BEACH. :)

   it just me or the New Facebook Layout kinda looks like the ol Myspace? O_o

   My dad still has the mind of a scientist. In a jar on the mantelpiece in his basement, right under the moose head.

   No one at work will question the handful of pills you are swallowing if you just say that it's what keeps you from murdering them all.

   The House of Representatives should be replaced with a mix of carnies, some Wayans, a few Pilates teachers, & the Oakland A's.