Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon And thus begins the 11-month unemployment season for handbell choirs.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 11:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me old-fashioned but I think the best part about Christmas is having your fist inside a 28-pound flightless bird.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 11:08 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't t take my Christmas Tree down...I smoke it.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 11:01 by Mick The Quick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was pulled over by a woman cop this morning. Never knew kitchens had speed limits.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody else have a turkey hangover?
←Rate | 12-26-2011 08:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 08:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing more awkward then asking "who is this" when getting a heartfelt holiday text.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:58 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:57 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:57 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:56 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can wake up someone who is asleep but you can't wake up someone who is pretending to be asleep
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:25 by Pasha Vaseghi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Ticker...seriously I dont wanna know each click of my friends ........what's this!!!
←Rate | 12-26-2011 06:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
←Rate | 12-26-2011 04:04 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you get gifts, people say "its the thought that counts"...my cousin got me deodorant...does she think I smell bad?
←Rate | 12-26-2011 00:17 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon 364 shopping days left
←Rate | 12-26-2011 00:13 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is santas sack so big? Because he only comes once a year..
←Rate | 12-25-2011 21:48 by Mc Nutsack Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I've had enough of the Christmas Spirit. The room is starting to spin...
←Rate | 12-25-2011 21:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Death is like transferring schools. You hate to say goodbye to the precious people here, but after you move, you will meet some great people on the other side.
←Rate | 12-25-2011 19:55 by Pasha Vaseghi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to see the tambourine make a roaring comeback into modern music.
←Rate | 12-25-2011 18:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can take off the sexy elf costume now....Steve.
←Rate | 12-25-2011 18:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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