Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know your lazy when you would rather text some one from across the room instead walking over to talk.

   Perhaps right after spending five minutes trying to rub the comma off my keyboard is the time to decide to stop eating over my laptop.

   Probably won't see War Horse. I'd definitely think about seeing a movie titled Skirmish Pony.

   I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years eve party..... when you here an arab counting down from ten your instincs kick in.

   Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head.

   Dear Jack, your Jumbo Deal isn't jumbo enough, Sincerely I'm still hungry !!!

    As much as I love butter spray bottles it just makes me want Bacon spray bottles." I'd put that $hit on everything "

   SWAG= Stupid. Wack . Ass. Gangsta'

   Whatever happened to the honesty box?

   Can somebody please explain to me! I've never actually seen it but I hear it all the time "There's one born every minute" Thats about mexicans right?

   Scientist - My findings are pointless when they are taken out of context......Main Stream Media - Scientist claims "findings are pointless."

   I've decided the best way to proceed in life from here on out is by walking around rubbing my n!pples and talking in the Fat B@st@rd voice.

   Just completed a 7km run... These darn coppers don't give up that easily any more..

   You can call me the bus driver, because I'm taken everyone to school...

   This world is full of STDs... Sexually Transmitted DRAMA

   The drinking will continue until the economy improves

   The Weather is here...I wish you were beautiful...

   kids that stutter can blame their moms for using a vibrator while they were pregnant

   I only knew one LA Clipper fan before this season and he used to get made fun of everyday for it.

   That akwward moment when... you're trying to get over someone you never even dated.