Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4077 of 6439

excuse me ma'am, you have lines of latitude covering your stomach and enough belly button crust for 3 pizzas. please pull your shirt down...

It's been an interesting roller-coaster ride for the Republican candidates up to this point, but I have heard that Tebow is favored to win tonight's primary in New Hampshire.
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01-10-2012 15:20
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Rich people can get away with it......Not Section 8.
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01-10-2012 14:54 by jitney
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Please do not start naming your future newborn "blue Ivy", yellow mustard, dark orchid, pastel white, purple rain, orange caramel or anything that don't make sense; we already hav ppl named after cars(Mercedes, Infinite, Camry, Alexis).
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01-10-2012 14:53 by jitney
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I look around when talking to someone because lets face it direct eye contact is weird sometimes!

I hear some are saying beyonce was never pregnant that someone else was carrying the baby.. I bets its Destinys child...
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01-10-2012 13:57 by JG
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Is it just me or do those red foil wrapped Hershey's kisses taste almost identical to the silver foil Hershey's kisses? I'll keep testing.

Taco Bell put Fritos in a burrito. See, you can eat healthy at a fast food place.

WOMAM: OMG! Baby I'm pregnant!! What would you want it to be?? MAN: a god damn joke!
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01-10-2012 13:51
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A true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, the most dangerous plaything.
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01-10-2012 13:35
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Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

Silence is the best answer to a stupid question.
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01-10-2012 13:28
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My wife and my girlfriend both said on their status that they are going to go live in Brazil for a few months. Is there something I should know about???????
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01-10-2012 13:25 by Reznor
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My wife just said shes going to live in Estonia for 15 months! PARTY AT MY PLACE!!!
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01-10-2012 13:20
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Hey Clay Aiken, Rocky Dennis called. He wants his face back.
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01-10-2012 13:17
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You're not an alcoholic; you're a soberphobic.
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01-10-2012 13:16 by Czovczov
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I bet Adele sweats gravy.
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01-10-2012 13:12
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90% Of men have no taste or standards they just wanna get laid.
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01-10-2012 12:56
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Now wait a minute, y'all This status ain't for everybody?"Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get on out there and “Like” “Like”, I said!"
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01-10-2012 12:49
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Just once I would like to see some creativity and have a meeting done with interpretive dance instead of powerpoint
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01-10-2012 12:37 by flinnie
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