Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

   Crazy Fact… People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.

   I hate meeting super fine on Facebook but pugly in real life girls.

   There are good status updates, then there are bad status updates ... then there's 50 feet of crap, then there's mine.

   So Android has "Iris"....Siri's ugly stepsister.

   Martain Luther King Jr. Bday now Muhammad Ali Bday somebody gonna ready this and turn red with hate

   Instead of a relationship status saying "It's complicated" it should just say "Ike and Tina"

   Happy Birthday Benjamin Franklin!..to celebrate your birthday I'm leaving all the lights in the house...thanks again for all your great discoveries and inventions!....especially electricity

   I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

   Sarcasm is just one of the many free services I offer to people who ask dumb questions.

   Whoopi Goldberg and Flava Flav should just gone head & admit that Lil Wayne is their child.

   I hate it when feelings get in the way of smart decisions.

   it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?

   Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it's wide use 3 fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

   Freedom and Human rights are more significant in life compared to science, innovations, modernization, self-righteousness and bigotry... Happy Martin Luther King Day America

   It doesn't matter how many times I find myself, coz there'll always be someone telling me to get lost.

   "Take a breath... take it deep" ...brought to you by "Rihanna's daily health tips"

   I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.

   I now know that asking "How 'bout those Packers" gets you a different response from gay men verses the straight ones.

   ~• << Picture of me when I was younger, I was so cute. :D