Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Swear I bet you if I was a hot chick and I left a status that said "I'm brushing my hair". It would get about 50 likes.

   I just bought a Dyson ball cleaner.......I should read the intructions because I'm pretty sure I'm not usng it properly

   It's funny how two females could hate one another because of a guy, but the guy doesn't give a damn about either one of them

   OK some Women want to be equal to Men... Send us flowers to work, pick us up for a date, open the car or any door for us, take us out to dinner and a movie flip the bill and leave the tip and you make the first move at the end of the date!!!

   We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.

   Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim.

   If Al Gore is so concerned about the bloody envorniment why does he write so many books......I guess it's ok to use trees and paper if you are making money off them.....envorinmentalists ....DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE

   As the dog sat watching the orchestra, he stared at the conductor and thought... "Just throw the d@mn thing."

   Why are pure Vegetarian Women silent during SEX.? Ans: They are in a state of Shock that a piece of Meat can give so much Pleasure.

   will be back after these short messages from our sponsor.

   if I blocked you on Facebook...what makes you think I want to connect on LinkedIn? just sayin

   how much dub would a dubstep step if a dubstep could step dub

   The way to a man's heart is about eight inches inside of anything.

   Dogs are like Facebook; fun and interactive. Cats are like MySpace; boring, climb on the furniture and $hit in a box.

   I wanna be cool like on TV and walk into a party with a " Taco Bell " 12 Taco Party Pack

   It really sucks being without a cell phone because now I have to give everyone 100% of my full attention.

   wouldnt life be prefect if sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

   Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, it's okay, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say.

   I'm having such bad luck today, if I was in prison... Then today would of been the day I dropped the soap!

   the only bad thing about having a great status comment....you dont get the credit...lol but you get the likes.