Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of sh*t but their pink bits taste amazing!!

   If you were to lose your left arm your right one would be left.

   When gas stations start charging for air--that's inflation

   feeling more lazy that the guy who invented the Flamethrower "I wanna set that on fire way over there, but I dont wanna get up"

   In honor of it being Friday the 13th, whenever I hear a strange noise, I'm going to investigate it braless, and wearing cute panties.

   Whenever a woman says, "I'm going out tonight with the girls;" I like to think she's referring to her boobs.

   Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason why I have trust issues

   Ahhh yes! My favourite day of the year, Friday the 13th,, ,, just sharpened my machete and dusted off my goalie mask,, well, off to the lake, see you later!!

   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant person in an argument.

   I don't understand why Beyonce and Jay-Z didn't name their baby 'BeJay'.

   Friday the 13th, eh? I bet there's a lot of killer parties going on tonight!

   12/21/12 falls on a Friday. Looks like the world's had enough of Rebecca Black.

   My life's an open Facebook

   Why is the Arab world pissed about the video of Marines peeing on dead bodies? A lot of people enjoy getting peed on judging from the number of videos I found trying to find the video in question.

   party at camp crystal lake tonight all "people I may know" are invited.

   Confuscius Say: "One cannot find what one is looking for with head up a$$."

   A girl plays with your mind. A woman explores it.

   Sometimes I like to send a text un purpose to the wrong person to see their reaction

   Just attempted to lick my own b@lls for the 105th time, i'm getting closer every day!

   Roses are red, vi0lets are fine...I'll be the 6, if you be the 9