Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 4071 of 6447

   messageicon We all have chapters, in our lives, we don't want published. Be reminded though that it's those chapters which make the book worth reading.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 08:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the internet you can be whoever you want. It's odd that so many choose to be stupid.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 08:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have a headache take medicine, side effects- drowsiness, hunger, loss of family and baldness up to three months,
←Rate | 01-14-2012 07:55 by Jon Comments (0)  


   messageicon people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I tell em " would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?
←Rate | 01-14-2012 07:49 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James........... Just a headband
←Rate | 01-14-2012 07:46 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing worse than having a mouthful of chili when you sneeze is to have a nose full of chili AFTER you sneeze! F*ck ME!!!!
←Rate | 01-14-2012 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One positive thing about internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whoever you meet.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 07:14 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a parent, I find myself using the same cliches my parents did.... for example, "Wimp! It's only Everclear!"
←Rate | 01-14-2012 05:25 by sbenj69 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
←Rate | 01-14-2012 05:14 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not fat because I want to be.... rather, I think it's my best chance to land a skinny mate.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I wake up from drinking, and half of my head is shaved, I have shaving cream in one hand, and the other hand is in a glass of warm water; especially when I've been drinking at home alone
←Rate | 01-14-2012 04:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only reason why your girlfriend likes your d!ck is because her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 02:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For 20 yrs Jay-Z referred to other men's daughters as b!tches & hoes then decides his own daughter Princess Baby Jesus is exempt from the game!
←Rate | 01-14-2012 02:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you get closer and the automatic door hasn't opened yet.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 02:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That f*ckin moment you spent all game getting drunk and rooting your team on for the win and they lose and now you just look like a drunk assh0l3!
←Rate | 01-14-2012 01:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"
←Rate | 01-14-2012 01:21 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Come to the nerd side.. we have Pi.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 01:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if I am retarded, but my parents paid everyone to play along so I could be happy...
←Rate | 01-14-2012 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of women are too busy being a good man to attract one.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 00:40 by TRobbins/jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎#<( '-'< ) I was going to give you this waffle, ( >'-' )># but then I was like, ( >'#'< ) I'm hungry ( >'-'< ) so I ate it."
←Rate | 01-14-2012 00:05 by fadolo Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left