Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.

   I went and saw beauty and the beast the other day, it wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be. He was pushing a cart and she was drinking a diet coke while sifting through the 5 dollar movies at Wal Mart........

   While Obama was on the campaign trail for President, he said, if elected he was going to go "page by page eleminating the programs that do not work"...nobody had any idea that he was refering to the White House cable guide...

   I'm wearing my pants today at half mast....are you??

   whats the difference between MLK day and ST Patty's day?? --Everyone wants to be Irish on St Pattys day!!

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   Teacher: 'David, if you have 5 sweets, and Paco asks you for 1 sweet, how many sweets do you have left??' David: '5'

   Today we celebrate Martin Luther King by schools and offices closing, no mail or banking. Tomorrow is Ben Franklin's birthday. Will we celebrate by not having electricity? Just wondering.

   I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already."

   woke up having unintentionally lost his virginity to a newly unsprung spring in the bed :(

   the waitress asked me what I'd like to order...I said "**x on the beach"---she misunderstood me and got me the drink!

   Mancode violation 83970138- No matter how much of 70's baby or 80's kid you may be, man shall not sing Girls just wanna have fun by Cyndi Lauper

   What happened? Are y'all ok today? FB needs a Dr. Phil button this afternoon. Half of you are Facebook bi-polar anyway....Inspirational in the morning and cursing folks out in the evening.

   It's almost tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?

   Money is paper, paper come from trees thus money grow on trees!

   Mufassa reminded me so much of my dad... and he too saved me from a stampede of wilda beast

   Loving me so much , I'm just going to "like" my own status .

   I have a dream, that I could just get paid for having a dream.

   Every rapper out there thinks they are the next Tupac. But they seem to want to bypass the part where Tupac was the hype man on the Humpty dance.

   We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity