Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Who's your wife?(:" "That b!tch over there....."

   People who have an option to sleep but are still jogging at 6 in the morning in this cold. *slow clap*

   That f^cked up moment when your Ex girlfriend tags you in a photo of her licking her new boyfriend's abs.

   Joe Paterno Dies In Hospital; Doctors Promise To Tell Their Superiors First Thing Tomorrow

   ESPN just reported that their kicker just tried to hang himself, luckly he could not even kick the chair out from under himself.

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You that read wrong too. And too that.

   Watching American Idol and I was really hoping that first girl could sing.

   ESPN is reporting that San Francisco 49ers rookie Kyle Williams just tried to kill himself in the locker room. Luckily, he dropped the gun on the floor and it was recovered by the Giants...

   I took a Russian model shopping. Got her lots of stuff. She called home and I overheard her say in Russian, "Mama, he eece a verry rich man!" Good thing she couldn't read the sign that said 'Dollar General'.

   Everyone thinks that girls dream about finding the perfect guy, pssht we dream about eating whatever we want and not getting fat!

   P.M.S.= Pass my shotgun

   Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall.

   Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

   The #1 biggest lie from a girl: I'm fine...

   Why do some men feel the need to make his woman jealous of other beautiful girls? A real man should be making other beautiful girls jealous of his woman!!

   I wish people on FB would just write, "I'm dying for attention! Please comment on this!". Instead of all the dramatic posts with only half the situation given.

   "Single" doesn't always mean available, just as "in a relationship" doesn't always mean happy!

   I can be doing all the right things and life still has a way of slapping me in the face..

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!!!!

   come on guys give me something worth snatching