Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Reporting on your own superheroic activity while in your secret identity as a reporter is an ethics violation, MR. KENT.

   We never had an on-and-off relationship before getting married. Ours was more of an in-and-out-and-in-out thing. People should try that!

   IDEA: Mood cars. Vehicle color changes based on drivers behavior. Turns red; they're angry. White; they're sick. Pink: they're pregnant.

   STOP with complaining about unoriginal cut n pasted jokes and contribue your own

   Just because you change a earlier post from Mom to Dad or Brother to Sister doesn't make it any funnier !!

   We live in a world where you spell world as would

   Jay Cutler's protection fails him again!!

   It's never too early to start drinking for St. Patrick's Day. There are only 52 days left.

   wondering if the dude who went postal back in the day went through the same crap I'm going through today...

   My car runs on gas.. Not friendship. So pay the f*ck up.

   Remember that joke "How do you spell icup?" Think Steve Jobs came up with it??

   lookin at the cost of medical insureance is making me sick in itself...

   Reminder - Valentine's Day is only a coupe weeks away, it's not too late to break up.....

   Lead singers, don't hold the mic out and ask us to sing the chorus. We paid money to watch you do that.

   Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me

   Women are like canoes. Actually they're really more like kayaks. Which one has the pointy things? OK; I don't understand canoes/women.

   Just saw a redhead drinking Ginger Ale. It looks to be making him stronger. We must stop him before it's too late.

   So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? "Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."

   there a Hallmark card for "I think it's time we try anal"? There should be.

   Whenever I drink whiskey, I turn into Kermit the Frog. I start talking funny, I turn green, and then I end up messing with a fat pig