Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just bought a dream house. Barbie wasn't able to pay the morgage. Sucks to be her!

   getting stoned and trying to load the dishwasher is like real life Tetris.

   I"VE HAD IT UP TO BEER WITH YOU!

   I'n flinnie and I ripoff Tim Siedell

   found out today that "too legit to give a sh*t" is not an appropriate answer to a judge's question "How do you plead?"

   Stop with the blank and blank that you idiot

   Yo Italian Cruise Ship... I'mma let you finish but Titanic had the best sinking of all time!!!

   ██ ████████ ██████ ██████████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ██████████ ██. ███ ███ This comment has been found in violation of H.R. 3261, S.O.P.A and has bee

   Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.

   Hey would any of you would like to marry me for a minute? Better yet can all of you marry me? I wanna see if I can have multiple wifes on FB...

   oh no.....this woman in the Walmart express lane has Midol, Pamprin, and shotgun shells in her buggy.....Lord just get me out of her safelyt

   1f you c4n r34d 7h15 you r34lly n33d t0 g3t 0ff 7h3 c0mpu73r 8^)

   Government is trying to control all we do. This is still America correct? I would prefer them not being able to decided for me what websites they feel are "Not good for me mentally or physically"!! LET US LIVE FREE AGAIN CONGRESS, its what are loved ones

   Forget all your "friends" on Facebook.. Wait until your dead and see how many "friends" really show up at your funeral

   that feeling of brotherhood when someone post the same status as you ,but know one like it cuz you posted it first

   I emailed my congressman about SOPA and PIPA. I have no doubt that the government will not care though. . .

   OMG.......If you go on Google's page, the Google loggo is blackout. The too buttons that are left is "Google Search", and "I'm feeling lucky". Unfortunately my project is due and I'm not so lucky. yeesh(-__-)

   I can't believe they murdered him. He was a president! And they found all the missing gold. Check wikipedia for the full story!

   my friend just stopped by to tell me he has a drinking problem.. I told him admitting it is half the battle... he told me loaning him $20.00 is the cure.

   You Basic women need to stop blaming every man for what your basic ass Ex did.