Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only thing more ferocious than a T-Rex guarding a nest is the too-drunk-to-dance chick that was left behind to guard purses.

   I BUY all my cassettes at truck stops. Suck it SOPA

   Some dude at the store was giving me googly eyes. I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended. Then I realized that I accidently went out wearing my daughters Twilight t-shirt. Whoopsie!

   Apparently, the Pope says that condoms 'make things worse' in regards to the AIDS epidemic. The day I take sex advice from an 82-year-old virgin, is the same day I take parenting advice from Kate and Gerry McCann.

   If you can't say anything nice, say something vague on Facebook.

   saw two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard boxes... pillow fight?

   New internet piracy laws are SOPAthetic

   Manicure might have the word "Man" in it, but if you get one, you're gay.

   If I really lived every day like it's my last, I would have diabetes and multiple STD's.

   "We have a history" = "we used to have sex"

   I'm so pissed Michael Jackson never had a chance to molest Justin Bieber.

   Please understand that my "May attend" response to your Facebook Event is my polite way of saying “Hell no”

   did anyone else notice that many passengers on the Concordia cruise ship said that it was like a scene out of the Titanic? I've been asking myself which 1 and now I've limited it down to 2 options-The steaming car scene and the nude portrait one. Must be!

   Poor decisions should be rated on a scale of 1 to Charlie Sheen.

   The older the Facebook post, the creepier your "like" becomes.

   I just ate a yogurt that expired two weeks ago ! ..................... Now I'm waiting ??

   I could eat Gandhi's sandals right now I'm so effin hungry.

   wondering if the US Government gets the irony of trying to pass laws that limits their own citizens access on the internet whilst at the same time criticizing the governments of China & Iran for doing the same thing.

   When your clean you use SOAP, when your dirty you use SOPA.......

   How wonderful the world is, when your in it !