Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon “Can I use your phone to call my mom?” “Yeah, just hit redial…
←Rate | 01-20-2012 23:55 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon that annoying feeling that results from when I comment on someones status/pic and they dont respond but when the next person does..they write a novel response and yet still ignoring my comment and I'm stuck in between
←Rate | 01-20-2012 23:09 by Ash Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" - Life
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:32 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon My vegetarian friend could not understand why I brought a bottle of ketchup on our hiking trip. “In case we get lost.” He's slow. Tasty slow.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark, Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:31 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just cooked vegetables on my Foreman Grill....is that even legal....I feel dirty..
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:27 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  


   messageicon that moment of joy after feeling you've created the greatest status... then a half hour passes and your contemplating suicide since you have not a single like
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:10 by paulwall Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are the first tissues the hardest to get out of the box? I just need one, not ten...
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That time after the break up when your driving and the only radio stations you are left with are talk radio and mexican polka.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 21:41 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned
←Rate | 01-20-2012 21:02 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pack of gum, 10 chances to turn an enemy into a friend
←Rate | 01-20-2012 20:54 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 20:50 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does a prostitute file pregnancy as a work-related accident?
←Rate | 01-20-2012 20:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Governments that try to control the Internet are SOPAthetic.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 19:24 by recovered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl says "if you dont like what I post then dont read it or delete me", now I'm getting messages in my inbox from the girl not understanding why I deleted her.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 18:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A team of researchers have concluded the "G-spot" doesn't exist. Obviously they were looking in the wrong place....
←Rate | 01-20-2012 17:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should probably press charges on myself after the shower I just took.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 16:50 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl keeps her hair short so instead of holding back her hair when she pukes, I keep her boobs out of the way. I'm nice like that.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 16:48 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon A team of researchers has concluded that the "G-spot" doesn't exist. Thank God. Now I can just focus on finding my remote.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 16:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It's a jungle out there.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 16:39 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  




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