Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   two guys walk into a bar..i was one of them. I dont remember anything else

   if you want to know anything, come over to my house...i have a kid that apparently knows everything

   money talks....but all mine says is good bye

   Lite: the new way to spell "light" now with 20% fewer letters

   getting to work on time only makes the day longer

   The BIG difference between men and women is that women will complain if they switched genders while men will appreciate the opportunity!

   Because of KIAs recent recalls, the Raphamsters change their tune frm, "You can can with THis or you can with that" to "You can recall This, or you can recall That"

   has no problem GETTING it together, I just can't KEEP it together

   I haven't seen San Francisco fight that hard for something and then lose since Prop 8.

   I can't possibly get eight hours of sleep a day because my work hours add up to seven

   For guys, Valentines day is yet another lets-give-it-a-shot-at-having-sex-with-her day.

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You read that wrong too.

   Be careful who you call your friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies

   Practical joke idea: all of us go back to MySpace for one week, get Tom all excited, and then leave again

   And some people wonder why their test grades are so low.. Or jobs suck so much.. Well when your names DaWanda IDGAFCHOOCHOOTRAIN Jonez.. On your application...NEXT!

   Reminder - Valentine's Day is only a couple weeks away, it's not too late to break up..........

   I dunno if I'm loud enough but I need you to pay attension to whats about to happen to me...

   As a kid, I use to talk to the fan so I can hear my ROBOT voices.

   What do you think i'm some kind of Summoner?

   Kia recalls 146,000 US vehicles - there are gonna be a LOT of angry hamsters!