Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days

   Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our sh!t'.

   If you emphasize the po in police they're probably already after you.

   A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then that is why

   I call bullsh!t on these retro bottles of Coca-Cola. They make you add your own cocaine.

   According to WebMC, I be illin'.

   Joe Paterno's doctors also said they wish they could have done more.

   I hate when people don't watch where I'm going when I'm walking and texting.

   "What do you mean the Broncos played last week?" -God

   rip joe paterno - his glasses will be donated to science and studied to see if they allow you to see anything!!

   if you get caught cheating run...

   How exactly is carrying a screaming two year old different from playing the bagpipes?

   The best thing about Africa is that you never get Facebook updates about what people are eating.

   Joe Paterno has died....Now Penn State students can riot again and break more $hit.

   Instead of knowing what the #1 song was when you were born it would be cool if it could tell you what the #1 song will be when you die. That way when you start hearing it on the radio, you'll know that the end is near.

   I just drank a manly Dr. Pepper 10 and now my balls are too big to fit in my pants.

   "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying." - The Joker

   Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."

   Yawning is the body's way of saying '10% Battery Remaining'.

   I started an Alcohol Free Diet today. So if its Free, I drink it.