Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The way to a man's heart is about eight inches inside of anything.

   Dogs are like Facebook; fun and interactive. Cats are like MySpace; boring, climb on the furniture and $hit in a box.

   I wanna be cool like on TV and walk into a party with a " Taco Bell " 12 Taco Party Pack

   It really sucks being without a cell phone because now I have to give everyone 100% of my full attention.

   wouldnt life be prefect if sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

   Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, it's okay, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say.

   I'm having such bad luck today, if I was in prison... Then today would of been the day I dropped the soap!

   the only bad thing about having a great status comment....you dont get the credit...lol but you get the likes.

   excuse me ma'am, you have lines of latitude covering your stomach and enough belly button crust for 3 pizzas. please pull your shirt down...

   It's been an interesting roller-coaster ride for the Republican candidates up to this point, but I have heard that Tebow is favored to win tonight's primary in New Hampshire.

   Rich people can get away with it......Not Section 8.

   Please do not start naming your future newborn "blue Ivy", yellow mustard, dark orchid, pastel white, purple rain, orange caramel or anything that don't make sense; we already hav ppl named after cars(Mercedes, Infinite, Camry, Alexis).

   I look around when talking to someone because lets face it direct eye contact is weird sometimes!

   I hear some are saying beyonce was never pregnant that someone else was carrying the baby.. I bets its Destinys child...

   Is it just me or do those red foil wrapped Hershey's kisses taste almost identical to the silver foil Hershey's kisses? I'll keep testing.

   Taco Bell put Fritos in a burrito. See, you can eat healthy at a fast food place.

   WOMAM: OMG! Baby I'm pregnant!! What would you want it to be?? MAN: a god damn joke!

   A true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, the most dangerous plaything.

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   Silence is the best answer to a stupid question.