Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   IDKFA! <---if you remember what this did then your unstoppable

   Can you imagine the panic that ensuses when the actor who plays the Mayhem character in the Allstate commercials boards a commercial flight?

   Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

   If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas

   Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light

   How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

   If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

   Crazy Fact… People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.

   I hate meeting super fine on Facebook but pugly in real life girls.

   There are good status updates, then there are bad status updates ... then there's 50 feet of crap, then there's mine.

   So Android has "Iris"....Siri's ugly stepsister.

   Martain Luther King Jr. Bday now Muhammad Ali Bday somebody gonna ready this and turn red with hate

   Instead of a relationship status saying "It's complicated" it should just say "Ike and Tina"

   Happy Birthday Benjamin Franklin!..to celebrate your birthday I'm leaving all the lights in the house...thanks again for all your great discoveries and inventions!....especially electricity

   I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

   Sarcasm is just one of the many free services I offer to people who ask dumb questions.

   Whoopi Goldberg and Flava Flav should just gone head & admit that Lil Wayne is their child.

   I hate it when feelings get in the way of smart decisions.

   it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?

   Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it's wide use 3 fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.