Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3998 of 6446

Everything seems to be louder, when you dont want anybody to wake up
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02-04-2012 05:30 by Tsparks
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women stop complaining about wearing heels that hurt and man up!!
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02-04-2012 03:44
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I don't mind it when people let their minds go blank. I just wish they would log off Facebook when it happens.
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02-04-2012 01:44
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I'm going to lock in my Super Bowl prediction right now. I predict Madonna will be f*cking terrible.
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02-04-2012 00:43 by JustCuz
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I don't always drink milk, but when I do I prefer dos chichis
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02-04-2012 00:34 by FuHo
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Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener.
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02-04-2012 00:09 by BEGO
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Went to a different bar thinking I wouldn't see anyone I knew and have a quiet drink. Everybody from my AA meeting was there.
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02-03-2012 23:02
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I once went on a date with a homeless girl... the only good thing about it was when the date was over I could just drop her off anywhere.
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02-03-2012 22:56 by choosejoy
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I need some quiet, alone time to comtemplate for a while. If you need me I'll be on MySpace.
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02-03-2012 21:59 by K-Mac
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TWILIGHT - An epic saga about a young woman's struggle to choose between Necrophilia and Bestiality
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02-03-2012 20:58 by Gary
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i would have been a rockstar already if I could speak fluent eletric guitar like peter frampton
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02-03-2012 20:55 by oatmeal
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"Are you athletic?" .. "Yeah I surf.....the internet"
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02-03-2012 20:50 by XX-FOXY
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Friend tellin me " Bro I wasn`t that drunk…." Me: “Dude you destroyed my gf's garden at 4:00AM while shouting and screaming "F**k Farmville!"
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02-03-2012 20:44 by XX-FOXY
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Mom: What does “WTF” stand for? Child: "Well That`s Fantastic!"
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02-03-2012 20:41 by XX-FOXY
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My arm fell asleep again. Time to draw a mustache on it.
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02-03-2012 20:33 by Aaron
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Just saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
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02-03-2012 20:28
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I can do a couple things with my money on Valentine's day, I can spend it on a buke of flowers or take this girl I like out to dinner.. Hmmmm.. nahhh I'm going to the Arcade!

Once, while camping, my Mother in Law stumbled upon two ferocious Black Bears.....the bears immediately played dead..... until she left
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02-03-2012 20:24
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Don't complain when I CAN'T go out those nights you want to but then you WON'T go out on the nights I'm able to!!
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02-03-2012 19:58
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~• << A picture of me when I was younger.
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02-03-2012 18:56
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