Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Everything seems to be louder, when you dont want anybody to wake up
←Rate | 02-04-2012 05:30 by Tsparks Comments (0)  


   messageicon women stop complaining about wearing heels that hurt and man up!!
←Rate | 02-04-2012 03:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind it when people let their minds go blank. I just wish they would log off Facebook when it happens.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 01:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to lock in my Super Bowl prediction right now. I predict Madonna will be f*cking terrible.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 00:43 by JustCuz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always drink milk, but when I do I prefer dos chichis
←Rate | 02-04-2012 00:34 by FuHo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 00:09 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a different bar thinking I wouldn't see anyone I knew and have a quiet drink. Everybody from my AA meeting was there.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once went on a date with a homeless girl... the only good thing about it was when the date was over I could just drop her off anywhere.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 22:56 by choosejoy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need some quiet, alone time to comtemplate for a while. If you need me I'll be on MySpace.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 21:59 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon TWILIGHT - An epic saga about a young woman's struggle to choose between Necrophilia and Bestiality
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:58 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon i would have been a rockstar already if I could speak fluent eletric guitar like peter frampton
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:55 by oatmeal Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Are you athletic?" .. "Yeah I surf.....the internet"
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:50 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend tellin me " Bro I wasn`t that drunk…." Me: “Dude you destroyed my gf's garden at 4:00AM while shouting and screaming "F**k Farmville!"
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:44 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: What does “WTF” stand for? Child: "Well That`s Fantastic!"
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:41 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon My arm fell asleep again. Time to draw a mustache on it.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can do a couple things with my money on Valentine's day, I can spend it on a buke of flowers or take this girl I like out to dinner.. Hmmmm.. nahhh I'm going to the Arcade!
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:25 by natemorales Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once, while camping, my Mother in Law stumbled upon two ferocious Black Bears.....the bears immediately played dead..... until she left
←Rate | 02-03-2012 20:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't complain when I CAN'T go out those nights you want to but then you WON'T go out on the nights I'm able to!!
←Rate | 02-03-2012 19:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ~• << A picture of me when I was younger.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 18:56 Comments (0)  




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