Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This just in!! The Kodak Film company has filed for bankruptcy......More details to come as the story develops

   In the Costa Concordia movie, the main character should be an Italian cruise ship crash investigator who was planning to retire this week.

   Today sucks but I really shouldn't complain. I've got it good compared to...well, dead people.

   It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, my children will never understand what it's like to be raised by television.

   Just read "The Three Musketeers," and it's true, the book is always better than the candy

   Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer.

   Having trouble with your iPhone saying "No Service"? Just put your shirt and shoes back on.

   I can't be Levi never tried speech wreck ignition soft wear be four. This is sofa king convene Yenta!

   Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than just 5 songs in the world, right?

   If a bra is called an 'over the shoulder bolder holder', then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut?

   In honor of the #WikipediaBlackout to protest SOPA, I will also be blacking out tonight.

   so does this mean there are no more Kodak moments?

   My piss constantly smells of Sugar Puffs, The doctor asked me today if it hurts? I said "Only when the free plastic toy comes out."

   shocked to learn his son has been telling lies at school.....I've got no kids!

   you know some fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time…” Others begin with “If elected, I promise…”

   I can't understand why Burger King is getting so much credit for their Whopper delivery idea when I've been providing the same free service to lonely women since 1983....Such a thankless job! ツ

   So I see that most of the major Pizza chains are offering Cheezy Bread Sticks as a side item to Pizza...SMH* like we are not already getting enough bread and cheese from the Pizza...lets add more on the side!! lmao- America is dying ;One Cheezy Bread Stic

   Best thing to hear at work "yall just wait here for a while"

   I think all the presidential candidates should be required to appear on who's smarter than a 5th grader ! Then we'll decide !!!

   I've been absolutely furious for no reason lately. Maybe I'll feel better if I find a good psychiatrist and beat him to death.