Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's snowing in East London at the moment...First white thing I've seen all day.

   I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.

   If it doesn't kill you,, you'll learn from it.. If it does kill you,, I'll learn from it

   Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR's are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!

   at my high school career day, they demonstrated which cardboard "will work for...." signs were most effective

   Cheerios jus came out with hoplessios for emo kids

   The worst part about getting some ass is when your fingers break through the toilet paper.

   It's a good thing Apple wasn't in charge of New Year. We'd all be expecting 2012 and get 2011S instead.

   Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced.

   I'm one of the premiere snugglers of my generation.

   I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.

   just found out that a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Apparently, I'm not getting ready in a "jiffy" any more.

   About the Facebook IPO...want to get rich..(ofcourse ye do..!!)..here is the plan.. 1)Wait for the IPO.. 2)Expect a big buying fury...making the stock to spiral upwards.. 3)wait... 4)Then lets all of us..yes..all 800odd million of us not visit Facebook fo

   I LOVE rumors! they tell me things about myself that I never even knew!

   I wonder if aliens ask each other. Do you believe in HUMANS?!

   Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now & then...

   I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

   Nobody's life is perfect, but life itself does have perfect moments….

   Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving...

   A beautiful girl is a beautiful girl, but a beautiful girl with a brain & smarts is a weapon of mass destruction...