Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3939 of 6446

Starting a dating site for people who just want someone to take a walk with after a big meal.
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02-19-2012 20:46
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Dear Nerf, Table legs hurt! Fix that. Sincerely, Stubbed Toe
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02-19-2012 19:25 by @qpid901
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Three skiers kiled in an avalanche today... meanwhile in my living room me and my beer remain totally safe.
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02-19-2012 19:23 by fadolo
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Wow... My boyfriend deleted me off Facebook last night.. I was single and didnt even know it!

ME: Wanna go out with me? GIRL: I have a boyfriend. Me: I have a test tomorrow. GIRL: And? ME: Sorry, I thought we were naming things we could cheat on
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02-19-2012 18:41 by jitney
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She stole my heart so I told her to keep it. Thats not the part I'm going to be needng to bang all her friends with anyway.
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02-19-2012 18:33
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My kids call themselves changing their rooms around. All they did was move the t.v
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02-19-2012 18:33 by jitney
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FACT: Some people will steal your stuff and then help you look for it.
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02-19-2012 18:19 by jitney
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One of my ex's dreams in life was to go on a helicopter ride, so like the good guy I was, I made it come true. She was air-lifted to the hospital after I cut the brake lines on her car
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02-19-2012 18:16
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Before call waiting booty calls must have been very frustrating.
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02-19-2012 18:09
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"I wasnt that Drunk", "Dude you were in my pool trying to find Nemo"
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02-19-2012 16:24 by @DonSicks
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I wasnt that drunk..." "Dude, you were telling 'Yo mama' jokes to orphans...
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02-19-2012 16:18 by @DonSicks
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Some kids want drugs, some want alcohol. Honestly, all I want is a good nap.

If you watch the Titanic backwards..Its about a magical boat that saves people
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02-19-2012 16:07
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The teacher asked me what book I read this summer & I said, "Facebook."
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02-19-2012 16:05 by @DonSicks
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Gum: The real key to popularity. ;)
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02-19-2012 16:03 by @DonSicks
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*Girl on Facebook* "I need a boyfriend for the winter to keep me warm" ...or you can just buy a coat
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02-19-2012 16:00 by @DonSicks
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THE POWER OF THE WINKY FACE: "Hey, Want some of my banana? :)" ... "Hey, Want some of my banana? ;)"
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02-19-2012 15:58 by @DonSicks
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My right hand dumped me and my left hand found someone else.
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02-19-2012 15:58 by Mickey
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Cartoons: The only place where you can wear the same thing everyday, and nobody cares.
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02-19-2012 15:57 by @DonSicks
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