Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 3920 of 6446

   messageicon thinks that If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi
←Rate | 02-24-2012 17:11 by Tsparks Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my kids piss me off, I show them a picture of Rosie O'Donnell and tell them that's their real dad.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I let my dog drink out of the toilet & then lick me on the mouth because it's easier than eating Activia.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls.. If you want him to treat you like a queen, first you have to treat him like a king...
←Rate | 02-24-2012 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phone rang & I tried to answer the stapler..Yup its friday..chug chug
←Rate | 02-24-2012 15:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHAT DO WE WANT..?..WHEN DO WE WANT IT..? We don't know.!! -Women's protest rally.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I watched this Chinese guy Jeremy Lin play on MSG last night, but 30 minutes after the game it was like I hadn't even watched basketball and I was in the mood to watch another game...
←Rate | 02-24-2012 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lesbianism is proof that size doesn't matter!!
←Rate | 02-24-2012 14:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's extremely frustrating when you spell a word so incorrectly that even spell check isn't able to help you out.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're stressed, You eat Ice cream, Cake, Chocolate & Sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to throw a fake punch at a hooker's crotch. If she flinches, I know it's a dude.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:46 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon All relationships go through sh!t. Real relationships get through sh!t.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon everyone knows that 1 person who never laughs...i'm drawn to them like a moth to a flame, jus to make their lives a living hell
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its friday I smell vodka
←Rate | 02-24-2012 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suicide Bomber Training: "Pay attention because I'm only going to show you this once..."
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say the world is going to end this year. C'mon now, these fools can barely predict the weather.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs a "Wow that's the dumbest GOD DAMN thing I've ever heard, you should be punched in the throat" button.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm bored, I send a text to a random number saying "I hid the body in the sewer"
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:24 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left