Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3781 of 6451

Right now I wondering if I would have never been conceived, if it weren't for the Doobie Brothers.

If I ever get a tattoo,I am going to get a grape, that way when I am old,it will be a raisin.
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04-05-2012 02:06
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can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.
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04-05-2012 00:13 by Zinc
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Adolescences does n't work to much after high school

I swear if my boss paid ever me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.
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04-04-2012 23:16 by Daheavy1
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Heros don't wear capes, they wear dog tags.
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04-04-2012 23:09 by Yaj
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My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
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04-04-2012 21:59 by BEGO
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“A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”
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04-04-2012 21:56 by BEGO
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“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
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04-04-2012 21:50 by BEGO
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Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???
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04-04-2012 21:36 by Jitney
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The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
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04-04-2012 21:24 by BEGO
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Did you see that 3 pointer that Lebron James hairline just made ? What a way to close out the quarter.
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04-04-2012 21:24 by thatguy
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That annoying moment when you're waiting for a text & you get one but it's from the wrong person.
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04-04-2012 20:22 by BEGO
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If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I can only hope that they split us up by music genre.
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04-04-2012 20:20 by BEGO
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women are good for 70 things. cleaning house, and 69

On dating sites, some of the options for 'body type' should be, 'Vending machine', 'deformed walrus' and 'pudding in garbage bag'.
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04-04-2012 19:15
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I wear gasoline for cologne because b*tches love money.
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04-04-2012 19:11
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When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he knew about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing.
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04-04-2012 19:09
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Understand that the road to zombie hell is paved with absolutely good intestines.
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04-04-2012 18:40 by snotty
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If Apple had a nickle for every time an iPhone dropped it's connection they'd be one of the richest companies in the.......... Oh.
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04-04-2012 18:37 by snotty
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