Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Right now I wondering if I would have never been conceived, if it weren't for the Doobie Brothers.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 06:34 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get a tattoo,I am going to get a grape, that way when I am old,it will be a raisin.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 02:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 00:13 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adolescences does n't work to much after high school
←Rate | 04-04-2012 23:59 by Jersey Snor Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear if my boss paid ever me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 23:16 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heros don't wear capes, they wear dog tags.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 23:09 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:59 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon “A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:50 by BEGO Comments (1)  


   messageicon Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:36 by Jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:24 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you see that 3 pointer that Lebron James hairline just made ? What a way to close out the quarter.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:24 by thatguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon That annoying moment when you're waiting for a text & you get one but it's from the wrong person.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 20:22 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I can only hope that they split us up by music genre.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 20:20 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon women are good for 70 things. cleaning house, and 69
←Rate | 04-04-2012 19:58 by natemorales Comments (1)  


   messageicon On dating sites, some of the options for 'body type' should be, 'Vending machine', 'deformed walrus' and 'pudding in garbage bag'.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 19:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear gasoline for cologne because b*tches love money.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 19:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he knew about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 19:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Understand that the road to zombie hell is paved with absolutely good intestines.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 18:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Apple had a nickle for every time an iPhone dropped it's connection they'd be one of the richest companies in the.......... Oh.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 18:37 by snotty Comments (0)  




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